Rejected Grimoire Cards

Helm of Saint-14

“Don’t come in here, bro. If you come in this bubble, you’re gonna have a bad day, bro! No… don’t you do it!” –Saint-14

Warpriest Oversoul

“Lo did the fireteam, eager for hidden treasure and acting on foolhardy advice, jump simultaneously into the Oversoul. They were never heard from again.” –Eris Morn

Shoulder Charge

The Guardian stood at the precipice and gazed down into the inky abyss. At that moment, eternity stretched out before the Guardian and his teammate slammed into him from behind, sending him flailing into darkness accompanied by hysterical laughter from the fireteam.

Daughters of Oryx

“We cheered as the Runner slammed his mighty relic onto the daughter, bringing down her shield. We screamed at the Runner when he did not immediately back off and cried as the daughter bitch-slapped him, and the aura, right out into space.” –Guardian before the wipe

Repairing the Machine

“We’re only going to get one shot at this. There are three parts; each of us will carry/kill/repeat all the way up to the Machine. Once all three are there we- did she just fall off the wall with the friggin’ warhead?” –Fireteam Leader on the Wall

Normal Mode

“Golgoroth doesn’t enrage on Normal Mode.” –Last words of Nedward the Humiliated

Torn Between Dimensions

The Guardian was torn between dimensions, but her skill was bollocks, so at the behest of her team she leapt to her death.

Golgoroth’s Maze

The pedestal was not built as a sacrificial altar. It became that when, faced with the prospect of traversing the maze, countless Guardians chose to stand atop it and eat a rocket.

Party Wipe

“With her entire fireteam reduced to ash, the lone remaining Guardian valiantly leapt into the pit and punched Golgoroth in the crotch until eventually he smashed her.” –Eris Morn

Thrall

“Even the strongest fireteam can be destroyed by a horde of Thrall… or by just one that pops in front of you right as you fire a rocket.” –Cayde-6

Crota’s End

“We struggled in the dark to end Crota for good. Our fight was in vain, Guardian. Then some asshole on Youtube solo’d the whole friggin’ thing.” – Eris Morn

Touch of Malice

Cause of death: Guardian thought he was inside the aura. He was not.

Outbreak Prime

Wow, you… you really figured that whole thing out? And with two other people? Wow. Just… wow. We kind of thought; well, we hoped that it would take you a smidge longer than this, but once again, we underestimated you. Look, just don’t ask us for anything new for a while. We… we need to try to find ourselves again after this.

Omnigul

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed a fireteam just massacre Old Girl only to immediately commit suicide. I do not understand this new generation of Guardians.” –Toland the Shattered

Glowhoo

“The raid really took a turn for the unexpected when Oryx immediately homed in on Marty in his vibrant teal overcoat. It’s like he didn’t even see the rest of us. RIP, Marty.” –After Action Report from Kingsfall

Pool of Reclaimed Light

“Yes, we have to step in it.”

“Yes, Carl, I know what it looks like; we all know what it looks like. Just try not to think about it and shoot him in the belly when it opens.” –Fireteam leader

Case

Case C. Capehart is an author of several novels and short stories currently on Amazon.com. You can find his Titan, TightPenny, running Universal Remote and No Backup Plans on Crucible and your judgments will be promptly ignored.