On The Bright Side – Disappearing Act

The Moon is a strange landscape. It’s full of imposing Hive enemies, and ancient relics of a bygone era when humanity first experimented with space travel. It is also the setting of the mysterious disappearance of Sammy SwordWielder, a guardian that set out on a journey to collect Soliton Flares, and was never heard from again. While there isn’t much recorded information on Sammy’s disappearance, we have dug through the available information, and spoke with Mrs. SwordWielder, in an attempt to uncover what really happened to him.

The nightmare started for the SwordWielder family when Sammy was contacted by Lord Shaxx about going on a quest for an Exotic Sword. As a connoisseur of swords, and not one to back down from a challenge, Sammy accepted the quest.

“Sammy comes from a long line of sword enthusiasts,” said his wife. “I don’t think Sam realized how long it would take to gather those materials when he accepted the quest. Lord Shaxx certainly didn’t inform him of the time commitment.”

It was several days into the quest before Mrs. SwordWielder heard from her husband. Unable to hold a live conversation with her at the time, presumably because he was tied up furiously racing his sparrow between piles of Helium Filaments, Sammy sent his wife a pre-recorded message.

“I’ve been farming materials for what feels like an eternity, and I’ve only managed to acquire 2 Soliton Flares. I fear that Shaxx has gotten me in over my head. It’s lonely out here in this barren wasteland, but I must continue to gather resources. It will all be worth it when I am finally able slay my enemies with a glorious uppercut.”

While Sammy continued his ferverous pursuit of his exotic solar sword, things got a little tougher for the SwordWielder family.

Said Mrs. SwordWielder, “We run low on glimmer around here. Since Sammy’s glimmer farming methods were nerfed in the past, we didn’t have much of a savings. After he left on his quest, I had to take up a part time job replacing the Purple Ball in the tower. Nobody ever puts that thing back where they found it…”

Sammy SwordWielder’s next communication transmission came to his wife on Day 14 of his quest.

“I’ve grown tired of fighting the Fallen in Archer’s Line. After slaying hundreds of their soldiers while farming materials, I was befriended by a totally glitched out Dreg that rides a Shank around like some sort of futuristic horse. After two weeks, I’ve managed to acquire a total of 3 Soliton Flares. This quest step takes forever. Just way too long.”

“I could tell by the tone of his messages that his mental state was beginning to deteriorate,” said Sammy’s wife. “A Dreg riding a shank?!”

dregshank

The last time Mrs. SwordWielder heard from her husband was on Day 28 of his material farming time-sink.

“It’s been almost a month. I am tired. A guardian came by on a sparrow and ran my Shank riding friend over, so I am once again alone. In 28 long days, I’ve finally managed to acquire 4 Soliton Flares. Just one more and I’m halfway done! I just can’t wait to see my enemies ashes float away when I hit them with that sweet uppercut, though. Hopefully when I manage to complete this unnecessarily long task, Shaxx won’t do anything crazy and make me wait a week before I can use my new Solar Sword…”

“That was the last time I heard from him,” Mrs. SwordWielder explained as the recorded message came to an end. “If we never get to see him again, at least I know he went missing in pursuit of the most awesome weapon the Tower has to offer. I just want everyone to know, Sammy SwordWielder is a great man, who really loves wielding swords.”

While we may never know what happened to Sammy, we can all learn a lesson from his legendary tale. Guardians should farm responsibly; always make sure to take a friend to gather materials, lest you get so lonely that you start noticing all the strange things that take place on patrol. And, what could the great Lord Shaxx learn from case of Sammy SwordWielder? Maybe just like, ease up on the grind, man.

 

Don’t miss the next On The Bright Side – We’ll be scientifically testing whether a kitten is more deadly than a Fusion Rifle!

Brent S

When I’m not writing to express the crazy thoughts in my head, I’ll be slaying aliens with the Fireteam One clan.