On The Bright Side – Kill Steal Conspiracy

What would it be like to spend 90 days in the Prison of Elders?

A new documentary, titled “Making A Griefer” will be coming soon to a Tower kiosk near you!

It all started last December when PulseRiflePrincess, a taken-tot with aspirations of becoming legend, played her first ever Crucible match. As an avid fan of player-vs-player combat, she knew her best hope of staying alive was to stick close to other guardians and team shoot her enemies.

“I jumped into a Control match,” said PulseRiflePrincess. “I figured, for a beginner, it would be the easiest playlist to start in. I played the objective when I could, and tried to provide cover fire for my teammates. Before I knew it, I was racking up kills and was at the top of the scoreboard. In the end, we were victorious. It turns playing the capture point is pretty effective in the Control playlist.

Still high on the joy of receiving her first “The Best Around” commendation, PulseRiflePrincess was completely unaware that her teammates were angry, and beginning to conspire against her. After all, they won, so why would she have anything to be worried about?

“I was very surprised when the first message arrived. Kill stealing? I thought I was helping out. Assisting teammates is a fundamental tactic in team based combat, right?”

PulseRiflePrincess’ teammates didn’t think so. The 5 of them, all members of the iLiiiLLilllIillLiSt clan, filed complaints with Lord Shaxx that accused Princess of conduct detrimental to their overall scores and k/ds.

Surely, the great Lord Shaxx would see these salty complaints as the garbage they were. According to Princess, not so much.

lord shaxx bright side story
(original)

“He threw the book at me!” said PulseRiflePrincess. “I was told later that he was sensitive to the subject. He had an Unbroken match ruined by kill stealing. I guess he only got 14 kills. Regardless, he sentenced me to 3 months in the Prison of Elders to think about my infraction. Luckily, I was placed in the Level 28 prison. It’s minimum security, and a lot more laid back.”

For the next 90 days, Princess rotted away behind the cold steel walls of the Prison. But, while she didn’t enjoy the stay, she was pleasantly surprised by the community within the penitentiary.

“A lot of folks in the Prison of Elders aren’t that bad. Sure, there are a few really evil dudes, but a lot of them were just trying to keep quiet and do their time. They can get combative at times, but wouldn’t you if some guardians came into your home firing guns and explosives all the time?

Fun fact, the loot chests in the basement are filled with stuff that was confiscated from the inmates. I met this one Vandal, he was just doing some time for a minor Patrol violation. The Warden took his favorite weapon and gave it to a few victorious guardians. Imagine how much of a bummer it was for him to find out guardians had been using it troll kinderguardians in the Cosmodrome. It’s almost like they stole his identity.”

Now a free guardian, PulseRiflePrincess is looking to tell her story, and have this crime taken off her record.

“There was a lot of evidence in my case that Shaxx refused to acknowledge. One of my teammates were using a fusion rifle. Was I suppose to assume he would accomplish the impossible and actually kill someone with it?

I asked for video evidence to me intentionally stealing kills, and nobody could provide it. ‘Assists don’t look cool in montages, so why would anyone record it?’ was the response I was given.”

Nobody could hold it against her for harboring anger towards Shaxx and her accusers, but is revenge against the iLLiSt clan on Princess’ mind?

“I’d love to play a rumble match against them, but I hear it’s pretty hard to set up private matches…”

With the possibility of guardians returning to the Prison of Elders soon, it’s important to keep stories like PulseRiflePrincess’ in mind. Obviously, we can’t be expected to stop and consider the background of every enemy before blasting them into pieces. It should be up to our Tower Justice System to make sure every baddie is actually guilty before throwing them into the Prison, so that we may slay Dregs, Hobgoblins, and Ogres with a clear conscious.

Don’t miss the next edition of On the Bright Side – We’ll have live coverage of Guardian Dash; a 5k Mini-Marathon that will be taking place next week on The Cathedral of Dusk.

Brent S
When I'm not writing to express the crazy thoughts in my head, I'll be slaying aliens with the Fireteam One clan.